Trailer Park Remnant
by deathbearABC123
Summary: A/U where Sunnyvale is in Remnant, set after volume 1 and before Volume 2, a call for help in Sunnyvale Trailer Park has Team RWBY going to investigate. Things are not what they expected them to be.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Trailer Park Boys is owned and property of Showcase and Netflix. And RWBY is owned and property of Rooster Teeth. I own nothing.**

 **A/N: This story will contain intentional spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

"So where are we going again?" Yang asked, looking out the window of the Bullhead. The airborne vehicle descended a bit in altitude. Ruby finished off the last cookie in her bag before answering her elder half sister.

"We're going to go help people. Duh."

Weiss rolled her eyes at the vague answer provided by their leader. "We're going to a small island near Patch," Weiss supplied. "Ozpin got a call saying Grimm activity was unusually high."

"You and Ruby are from Patch right?" Blake asked the two half sisters.

"Born and raised," Yang proudly confirmed.

"Aren't you worried Patch might get infested next?"

"Nah," came Yang's nonchalant reply. "If they did, Dad would show them what's up."

"I take it this, Sunnyvale," Blake recalled the name of the island, "isn't fortunate enough to have a resident huntsman."

Ruby shook her head. "Nope. Dad always said the people there weren't as well off."

"Why's that?" Blake asked wanting to know more. This time it was Yang who answered.

"Because a large part of Sunnyvale is a trailer park."

"A trailer park?!" Weiss asked in disbelief. "I thought those places were just a myth to get children to behave themselves." Yang couldn't help but chuckle.

"Welcome to the real world princess."

"I'll have you know that I'm plenty down to Remnant." Weiss defended herself with an indignant huff directed at Yang.

"Don't you have a cake butler or something?" Ruby asked.

"Your point?" Weiss asked. Ruby just shook her head and looked out the window at the passing clouds. "Nothing."

"But I have to wonder, why send our team?" Weiss questioned. "We're barely into our second semester and we're already being sent to handle a real situation."

"It must be a pretty _grimm_ situation them," Yang punned making the other girls groan. "What? It was funny."

"Maybe Ozpin just really likes our team," Ruby offered her suggestion. "I mean we did kick a lot of butt during initiation."

"Yeah we did!" Yang exclaimed bringing her fists together.

"And we did almost stop Torchwick that night at the docks," Blake added. "So we have shown that we know how to handle ourselves."

"But we are still in our first year," Weiss pointed out. "If anything they'll probably just have us take out a few packs of Beowolfs or an Ursa or two."

"Well whatever it is I'm totally ready to go!" Yang enthused about the possibility of busting a few Grimm heads. "I can't wait to _knock_ it to 'em!" The girls groaned. "Come on! I'm working with my best material here."

* * *

Some time passed by as the Bullhead continued its journey to the island of Sunnyvale. Most of that time was spent doing any last minute modifications to their weapons, much to Ruby's delight, before the aircraft landed outside of a raise able gate. The gate itself was just a thin board the one could easily hop over or climb under. It would only be useful for stopping cars not keeping Grimm out. The walls surrounding the trailer park weren't that impressive either.

They were essentially just large tall wooden boards held up by wooden support beams. It was safe to say that they could use a drastic improvement in their defense layout. "You girls take care now." The pilot told them. "Just call when you've been given the all clear to go."

"Will do!" Ruby promised, pulling out her scroll and saving the contact number for good measure. The pilot nodded in confirmation and took off from the ground and back to the Kingdom of Vale.

"Oh, wow." Yang said staring at the entrance to the park. Weiss nodded in agreement.

"I know. These defenses are a joke! It's a good thing they called us in when they did, if the Grimm were to show up sooner these people wouldn't stand a chance."

"Totally," Yang agreed. "But that's not what I meant."

Weiss looked confused. "What are you-?" Yang put a hand on Weiss' head and directed her attention to the man waving them over by the gate. "Oh Dust."

Waving them over was a man with dark combed over hair. He wore rather tight white pants with a walkie-talkie strapped to his belt. His somewhat tan skin was on full display considering he wore no shirt. But instead of a perfect six pact of abs like Sun had, this man had a rather large and rather hairy gut. Each girl could go happily go their entire lives not having seen a sight like that.

"Hey!" The man called, waving some more. "Are you the team from Beacon?"

"Oh! Uh… yeah! That's us!" Ruby tried to sound happy and not at all uneasy about the fact that he wore no shirt. _Don'tlookathisgut!Don'tlookathisgut!Don'tlookathisgut! Oh Dust!_ He eyes darted downward. _I looked at his gut! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!_

"Well come on in!" The man pushed the plank gate up for them to enter. "Name's Randy. I'm Weekend Supervisor here at the park." He extended his hand to each of the girls.

Yang was the first to overcome her shock. "Hey! Name's Yang." She shook Randy's outstretched hand and wrapped an arm around Ruby. "And this is my adorable little sister Ruby!" Ruby in turn just raised a hand and waved.

Weiss, despite her clear disgust over Randy's lack of shirt, performed a perfect curtsey. "Weiss Schnee."

"Blake Belladonna."

"Sooo, what Grimm do you want us to take down first?!" Yang asked wanting to get right to the action. "A pack of Beowolfs? Or what about an Ursa Major?!"

"Do you girls like cheeseburgers?" Randy asked out of the blue. The girls all tilted their heads in a confused manner.

"Uh, what?" Blake asked.

"Cheeseburgers," Randy repeated. "I was going to grill some up for me and Mr. Lahey. Did you girls want some?"

"Uh, sure." Yang answered a bit unsure before quickly becoming confident once again. "We'll fill up and then kick butt!"

"Sure, I could do a cheeseburger!" Ruby said. It wasn't a cookie, but it would do.

"…I guess." Blake agreed as well.

"It's not high in calories or fat is it?" Weiss asked.

"It'll be the best cheeseburger you've ever had," Randy told her. "I eat them all the time." Weiss cringed a bit as she took in the sight of his gut.

"I think I'll just take a salad if you have one."

"Sure thing. Right this way girls." Randy led the girls into the park and amongst the slightly run down trailers that occupied it. The inhabitants of aforementioned trailers were mostly seated on the decks outside of their mobile homes, usually with a beverage in hand as they chatted and watched the newcomers walk by.

"So who's Mr. Lahey?" Blake asked as Randy led them up the deck of a tan trailer.

"He's the regular Supervisor," Randy told her. "Mr. Lahey and me share a trailer. We have to make sure we keep this park hankered down pretty good and- BOTTLE KIDS!"

"Bottle wha-," Ruby began, only for Randy to tackle her and her teammates to the floor of the deck as glass bottles shattered against the side of the side of the trailer. Ruby heard the sound of the trailer door opening and an older man stepped out.

"You kids are in violation of Park regulation!" The older man yelled. "No bottle throwing in Sunnyvale Trailer Park!" Another bottle was thrown and shattered against the man's head. Ruby saw the culprit to be four boys on bikes with garbage bags tied to the handles.

"Fuck off!" One of the kids yelled as he and his friends pedaled off.

"Are you alright Mr. Lahey?!" Randy asked as he got up to check on the park supervisor. Ruby and co. got up as well and was able to get their first sight of Mr. Lahey.

He was an older man with graying/white hair along the sides and back of his head. Save for the top where he was bald. He wore khaki pants and shirt with a walkie-talkie clipped to his front pocket. A pair of sunglasses hung down his nose, and Ruby was able to see brown bloodshot eyes. Then the smell hit her.

Being around Uncle Qrow long enough and one gets to know what alcohol smells like. Lahey smelled exactly like Qrow's flask.

Correction.

He smelled like Uncle Qrow's flask, times ten!

"I'm fine Randers," Lahey answered with a bit of a slur to his voice. "Nothing a little drinkypoo won't fix."

Randy looked more than a bit concerned. "Mr. Lahey you promised you were going to cut back on the liquor."

"It was just a few wine coolers Randy," Lahey tried to reassure the shirtless man. "Wine coolers don't count, only the hard liquor. Just the hard stuff Randy." Mr. Lahey finally seemed to take notice of the team of girls staring at him with question marks above their heads. "Ah you must be the Beac- *urp* uh, team from Beacon. Welcome to Sunnyvale."

"Uh, yeah that's us. Team RWBY!" Ruby introduced. "But, what was that just now?"

"Those were the bottle kids," Randy told her. "They like to throw bottles at people."

"Why?" Weiss asked; her opinion of the park dropping even lower than before.

"Who knows?" Lahey spread his arms and shrugged. "Shit-sparks will be shit-sparks. Until they evolve into shit-flames." Ruby made a small "Eep!" noise and covered her ears at the first mention of the word: shit.

"We can go after them," Yang offered. "Ruby here has more than enough speed to run laps around those little punks."

"No need ladies," Lahey reassured them. "Those kids are far from the worst here in Sunnyvale."

"The Grimm," Blake concluded.

"Not exactly," Lahey said as Randy fired up the grill to make the cheeseburgers he had promised beforehand. "They might have crawled out of the shit-abyss, but they aren't the ones who will bring about shitageddon." As if on cue, an old and battered car drove down the dirt road, only to break down in front of the trailer.

The car's paint had faded considerably and was now a mix of black and faded grey. It had no license plates, and no passenger side door, giving the girls a look at the two men inside. The one on the passenger's side had muscle to him if his tight black shirt was anything to go by. He had black hair and a goatee which he kept trimmed. For whatever reason he was hold a glass with a mixed drink in his hand.

The one driving was on the portly side with reddish-brown hair, long sideburns, a moustache, and patch on his chin. Another car stopped behind where they had broken down, and a camera crew seemed to be recording the two men.

"Fuck!" The driver cursed as he tried to start the car again. The passenger just sighed at the others attempt to start the car.

"Ricky," he addressed the driver, "put the car in park or neutral." Ricky tried starting the car again. "Ricky it's in drive. It's in drive!"

"Fuck off Julian!" Ricky cursed. "I know how to work this fuckin' thing!" Whatever Ricky did it must have worked as the car spewed out a large black cloud and continued on its way. The camera crew following after them.

Ruby had, once again covered her ears to keep the profanity out, while the other girls blinked a few times to register the weirdness they had just witnessed. "Alright. I'm just going to ask. Who _were_ those guys?!" Yang and to wonder. This trailer park kept getting weirder and weirder.

Lahey shook his head sadly. "Two of the biggest idiots you will ever meet in your life." He actually sounded more hung-over than he actually was. "Looks like the boys are back Randers. Let's go greet them Randy."

"But Mr. Lahey, this one's ready for cheese," Randy referred to the burgers he had on the grill.

Lahey fixed Randy with a hung-over look. "Randers."

Randy sighed in defeat. "Okay." He turned off the grill and followed after Mr. Lahey to where the cars had driven off to.

"So, are we supposed to follow after them?" Weiss asked.

"They are the ones who called us in," Ruby pointed out.

"Okay, but _must_ we follow after them?" Weiss rephrased her question.

"Team RWBY after them!" Ruby ordered.

Weiss let out a sigh. "Of course we must."

* * *

Ricky's car let out a few more large clouds of exhaust before it finally came to a stop in front of Julian's trailer. "See Julian," Ricky said as the two of them climbed out of the nonexistent passenger side door. "Told you we would make it back by time."

Julian remained silent and figured there was no point in telling Ricky that they were actually a half hour late than they had planned. "What do you say me, you, and Bubbles head over to my old man's trailer? We can eat pepperoni, chicken fingers, chips, and get drunk as fuck."

"Maybe some other time Ricky," Julian told is friend as he cast a look at the shed that was adjacent to his trailer. Their lifelong friend Bubbles lived there with his various cats, but it didn't look like he was home at the moment. It was around that moment when the camera crew pulled up in their own car and started recording the two friends.

A few years back they had decided to do a mocumentary on the people of Sunnyvale Trailer Park, and decided he and Ricky were the best people to follow and film due to their many get-rich-quick-schemes.

"Come on Julian," Ricky urged. "We just got out of jail why not get drunk?"

"Not tonight Ricky," Julian said as he got out the keys to his trailer to make sure everything was still in order. He wouldn't put it past Lahey to confiscate some of his stuff.

"Well you do what you want Julian," Ricky told him. "Go put your college degree or your little PFD or whatever to use, me and my dad are gonna get drunk, and maybe smoke a joint or two you don't know what you're missing."

"Boys! You're back!" Julian recognized the raspy horse voice from anywhere. It belonged to their blonde glasses wearing friend Bubbles. Walking up the deck to greet them, Bubbles gave a wide smile as he bobbed his head in greeting. He still wore his abnormally large pair of red glasses that made his eyes look magnified.

"Hey Bubs," Ricky greeted. "Check it out we're fresh out of jail."

"I see that Ricky," Bubbles said. "But you're never gonna believe whose back."

"Who is that?" Ricky asked. As if to answer Ricky's question a small shape jumped from the top of Julian's trailer with enough force to knock Ricky down. "What in the fuck?!" Ricky asked as he stared up at whoever sat on his chest, and was met with the sight of pink and brown eyes with a matching hair color.

"Check it out boys!" Bubbles bounced on his feet. "Neo's back!" Seeing this latest development the camera crew decided to pull the boys aside for an interview regarding the new arrival.

* * *

Bubbles' Interview

"Well sure I remember Neo." Bubbles began. "It was some back when she was just about ten years old, Ricky and Julian were in their twenties at the time. The boys had just gotten out of jail and went this little girl followed them back to the park here." Bubbles explained.

"She was like a little lost kitty," Bubbles said holding up one of his various cat companions. "And you can't turn away a lost kitty otherwise you're a greasy bastard. She just sort of helped them out with their schemes after that."

"Never really talked all that much. Only time she did was when me and her made puppets. Mine was named Conky, and hers was Orange Buddy." Bubbles got a contemplative look in his large eyes. "And those puppets were fucked."

"She kept quiet most of the time, but she did join an all female rock band called Puss."

* * *

Julian interview

"Yeah I remember Neo," Julian told the camera crew. "Rick and I had just gotten released from jail and when we went to get some money, this little girl just kind of followed us back to the park." Julian took a sip of his rum and coke.

"After that she helped us out with a few odd jobs, and we just kind of decided to set her up with a trailer of her own." Julian pointed down the street to a pink trailer with a chocolate brown deck, and a white and brown stripe running along the side of the trailer.

"Then one day she just kind of moved on. Haven't seen her since."

* * *

Ricky interview

"I'll tell ya something," Ricky began. "People say I have a shit memory. I say that isn't true. I mean just because I forgot my daughter's birthday or whatever people think I forget stuffs easily, but I don't! Sure Julian is better when it comes to the whole clear thinkin' and explaining things to peoples thing, but I'm better when it comes to like dope growing and cars and shit like that. But I remember when we first met Neo."

"So me and Julian had just gotten out of jail for about the fourth or second time or something, I don't really remember what time, but we really wanted to get drunk that night so we went to a liquor store. Only problem is we had just gotten out of jail and shop owners don't really want to sell drinks to confacts or whatever, which is pretty fucked if you ask me.

"So we just decided to rob the place, but you know it's not like we like breaking the law, but in order to not break the law anymore we just had to break the law a few more times to get money. So we rob the place only to see this little girl sitting in the back seat. We had no idea what the fuck to do, but then she pulls out a stick of pepperoni and gives it to me. So you know I just kind of decided if she's gonna give me pepperoni she must be pretty cool."

"After that she helped us fuck with Lahey and the cheeseburger walrus Randy. Little stuff you know like sneaking into their trailer disguising herself by her semdance or whatever it's called and drawing cocks on their faces when they were sleeping."

End interviews

* * *

"Holy fuck!" Ricky said as he greeted the short young woman. "How's it been lining life in the big city or whatever?" Neo shrugged and stuck out her tongue. "Pretty fucked huh?" She nodded. "Well let's go on in to Julian's, I'm sure he has some ass cream or something." Neo seemed to know Ricky meant ice cream and followed him inside.

Julian refilled his drink as Ricky raided his fridge to pull out a quart of ice cream. "Vanla flavor," Ricky mispronounced the name of the flavor. "You want some vanla Neo?" The young woman nodded her head in excitement.

"You boys were just in time," Bubbles bobbed his head in excitement. "I was just telling her about all the wacky misadventures we all had these last few years. She really has grown up huh boys?"

"Well she hasn't grown much in height," Julian joked looking down at her short stature. Neo stuck her tongue out and kicked him in the shin. "So what brings you back to the park Neo?"

Neo pulled out a drawing she had of the trailer park and the nearby town located not too far away. It was drawn in crayon. She pointed to the town which held a school, liquor store, and Dust shop, which she had circled and labeled: HEIST in bright red.

"You want to rob a Dust store?" Julian asked. Neo nodded. Julian sighed as he took a sip of his drink. "Look Neo me and Ricky just got out of jail again. We're on probation alright? We can't risk getting caught, and you know Lahey is just waiting for a chance to catch us."

"Don't be a dick Julian," Ricky told his friend. "You're the ones who's always saying how we have to get lien fast. I say we do it. Shop owners are dumb as fuck no way we get caught."

"Look it's-," Julian stopped short when he saw Neo giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Oh no the big kitty eyes," Bubbles knew Julian was no match.

"I know what you're doing. Stop." Julian told Neo. If possible her eyes got even bigger.

"Her eyes are bigger than those flying sausages," Ricky observed.

"Fuck! Fine." Julian finally conceded. Neo smiled in victory as she helped herself to more ice cream. Julian shook his head at her antics and went into his living room to enjoy his drink. His moment was ruined by the sight of Mr. Lahey and Randy waling up to his trailer followed by four teenage girls.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Trailer Park Boys is owned and property of Showcase and Netflix, and RWBY is owned and property of Rooster Teeth. I own nothing.**

 **A/N: This will contain intentional spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

"So what exactly makes these guys such delinquents?" Blake asked Randy after she and the rest of Team RWBY caught up with the two supervisors. It was evident to her that there was some sort of bad standing between the two groups of guys.

"Well the park's quiet for most of the time, except for when these guys are around." Randy told her. "It's always something with these guys. It could be selling bootleg liquor, sneaking drugs into prison inmates, opening up a chop shop, but they usually grow and sell weed. The two of them just got out of jail today."

"Seriously?!" Weiss indignantly asked. It was clear that she had little interest in meeting with these guys and wanted to instead focus on their assigned mission.

"As serious as sauce on the rocks," Lahey said with a slight slur. "These boys have been nothing but trouble since day one. Randy and I can do a lot of good while they're away but sooner or later the shit storm blows on through once again."

"Why do you call them boys?" Ruby asked. "Aren't they grown men or something?"

Lahey shook his head. "Men are people who can make an honest day's work, and until that happens, Ricky and that sexy prick Julian will still be the same boys they were when they were teens."

Yang slouched her shoulders as they walked. "That's nice to know and everything, but when are we going to get to busting up some Grimm? That is kinda why we're here and all."

"Don't worry, don't worry," Lahey reassured her. "I just have to check up on the resident fuck-ups and we can get to talkin' all serious about the Grimmipoos." Blake noticed that Lahey did not seem all that convinced himself but chose to keep it to herself. If he was as drunk as he smelled, then getting any useful information out of him right now would be a moot point.

"Looks like they're over at Julian's," Randy observed as he spotted the severely damaged car from before parked outside one of the trailers. A ramshackle shack was set adjacent to the trailer, that had a flap at the bottom of the door where cats would come and go as they pleased. Before the two supervisors could even set foot on the trailer deck, the door opened and the two men from before came out followed by a blonde guy with an abnormally large pair of glasses who bobbed his head around.

"Welcome back boys," Lahey greeted the two residents. He sounded less than thrilled doing so.

"What do you want Lahey?" The one in black, Julian, asked. He still held a glass in his one hand.

"Just wanted to stop by and see how things are going," Lahey told him.

"Why would anything be going on?" Ricky asked.

"Well I don't know boys, you tell me." Lahey's tone changed to that of annoyance when he addressed Ricky. "Two of you fresh out of jail for the something-something time now and as my duty as supervisor, I have to make sure everything's alright here in the park. wouldn't want you going back for something as silly as a missed lot payment now would we?"

Julian reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of lien. "Look Lahey if this is what this little visit is about, I've been saving up." He handed the currency to the supervisor. "That should cover everything from when I was in jail."

"Much appreciated Julian," Lahey pocked the money. "What about you Ricky?"

"Fuck off jackass," Ricky dismissed Lahey. "You can't get me with that lot fee bullshit, know why? Because I live in my car here." He nodded to the vehicle that was missing one of its doors. "Since it's not a trailer you can't arrest me for that. And you can't arrest me for driving around with open liquor, because if it's in your home, how is that open liquor?"

"You actually live in that thing?!" Weiss asked the trailer park resident. "That's completely unsafe."

"Who are the girls Lahey?" Julian asked.

"Yeah. What did you kidnap a bunch of girl scouts, because if you did that is just fucked," Ricky said.

"We're huntresses in training actually," Ruby defended their image. "Although it would be nice to have a supply of cookies on me at all times though."

"Huntresses?" The glasses man asked in a raspy hoarse voice. "The kind that fights monsters like samsquamptch?"

"You bet!" Yang confirmed.

"But we don't know what a samsquampth is," Ruby shyly admitted. Was that some kind of local Grimm that was terrorizing these people?

"He means sasquatch," Julian clarified. "And they don't exist Bubbles."

"Well Julian you try telling that to all the people who got eaten by them greasy bastards!" Bubbles said. Blake then noticed that this entire interaction was being recorded by a camera crew. The same one that had been following Ricky and Julian earlier.

"Don't worry about the girls Julian," Lahey told him. "They're just here because they want what I want. For Sunnyvale to be a safe place where everyone can live."

"Well then it looks like we both want the same thing then," Julian told the supervisor.

"Good, but just remember boys the shit hawks are flying real low, they're swooping down, _shitting_ on people," Lahey warned the three guys. This seemed to upset Ricky.

"Hey Lahey, knock-knock," Ricky said.

"Who's there Ricky?" Lahey asked in mock humor.

"A drunk fuckin' idiot who still thinks that he's a cop when he's not. He's a shit supervisor who lets the park go to hell whenever he goes on a bender and the park looks like it got hit by a tropical earthquake afterwards. And the only reason you have this job is because your ex-wife owns the fuckin' park. And don't even say you aren't drunk I can smell the liquor on your breath from here."

"You can't talk to Mr. Lahey like that Ricky!" Randy defended his boss. "I'll have you know he's cutting back on the liquor."

Ricky looked at him with pure skepticism. "Randy, if he is cutting back on his drinking, then you ain't about to burst with all the cheeseburgers you've been eating."

Randy looked like he was about to argue further, but Ruby had had enough of their arguing. "Guy! C'mon!" The young girl stepped between the two of them. "Look there's no need to fight. All this negativity is just going to draw Grimm to the park."

"Right," Blake agreed. "Why don't we head back to your guys' trailer and figure out what to do about that?" She and the rest of the team at this point really just wanted to complete the mission at this point.

"Sounds fair enough," Lahey agreed. "Come on Randy."

Randy nodded, but turned to face Ricky. "We better not get any calls about your guys."

"Why don't you frig off?" Ricky asked. "Go get some hyposuction."

"He means liposuction right?" Weiss whispered to Blake, who is all honesty had no answer for that. And if by chance she did know, she doubted she would have the mental strength to give it a second thought.

As they made their way back to the supervisor's trailer the girls heard someone shout, "Hey!" from behind them. Turning to look they saw it was the camera crew from before.

"Uh, hey." Ruby greeted somewhat shyly to the crew. "Who are you guys?"

"We're making a mockumentary about life here in the park," the boom mike guy answered. "We go around and film anything interesting that goes on around here."

"And of all paces to do that, you chose a trailer park?" Weiss asked clearly failing to see the logic behind that idea. "From what we've seen so far this place isn't all that impressive."

"Well now that Ricky and Julian are back things are bound to pick up," the cameraman told her. "Believe me; we have all of our best footage from those guys. This job would suck if it wasn't for them."

"Well if that conversation from before was anything to go by I guess that's true enough," Blake had to admit.

"Let me guess, you boys want to interview us lovely ladies?" Yang assumed with a self assured smile. The camera crew nodded. "Sweet! We got time to kill. Right girls?"

* * *

Ruby's interview

"Hi! My name's Ruby. Ruby Rose. But my friends just call me Ruby." She scratched the back of her head. "Although I guess I could have just left it my name's Ruby." She shook off her embarrassment and continued. "I'm fifteen and the leader of Team RWBY. I like cookies, milk, cookies and milk, my sister Yang, my teammates Weiss and Blake, my dog Zwei, cookies, my dad and uncle, Beacon, cookies, fighting Grimm, and did I mention cookies?"

The cameraman nodded.

"Okay, well the park is nice. So far." Ruby didn't want to talk badly about the park having only been here less than a few hours. "It's not Patch or Beacon, but I guess I can see how some people have made this place their home."

"Oh! I almost forgot to show you my baby." Ruby reached to pull out Crescent Rose and transformed it into her scythe configuration. The cameraman had to zoom out to get the scythe in one shot. "This is Crescent Rose!" Ruby proudly said. "My pride and joy. When I have her Grimm don't stand a chance." Ruby reenacted herself fighting imaginary Grimm, when all of a sudden her finger slipped and a Dust round was fired off. "Oops." That was when the yelling started.

"WHAT IN THE FUCK?!" Some unseen man yelled. "WHO THE FUCK IS FIRING OFF A GUN IN THIS GODDAMN TRAILER PARK?!"

Ruby's face turned the color of her name as she put Crescent Rose away and mad e a gesture to the camera crew to keep quiet as she tiptoed away.

* * *

Weiss' Interview

"Weiss Schnee. Heiress to the Schnee Dust Company." Weiss introduced herself. "What do I think of the trailer park?" Weiss repeated the question that had been asked of her. "I'd be lying if I said I was impressed. And that isn't my upbringing talking before you get any ideas!"

"I mean honestly, who would actually want to live in a house that can be moved from one place to another if you don't pay a lot fee? And what's worse you have a man actually living in his car! Anyone can rob him blind seeing he doesn't have all the doors. I know I probably sound like a spoiled brat right now, but I don't see how anyone can find that classified as a dignified existence."

"And besides have you heard Ricky's language? It's like a drunken sailor had a child with another drunken sailor. And don't even get me started on his grammar."

"Can any of you tell me why that Julian always has a mixed drink in his hand? Because if he's driving that is an accident waiting to happen."

"The sooner we eliminate the Grimm the better. I don't want my ladylike manners to disappear as a result of being here." Weiss' stomach let out a rather loud rumble, due to the fact she had not eaten lunch. "You can cut that part out right?"

* * *

Blake's interview

"The trailer park is decent enough for some people I suppose. Compared to some of the faunus shelters this is actually a step up. The defenses are rather weak, so I guess it's a good thing we got called in when we did. I hear that there is a town of some sort somewhere else on the island, but I really don't know too much about that."

"The people… are exactly what I would expect from people who lack the proper education. They turn to a life of crime and look for ways to stay afloat in the economy. I'm not saying that it only happens in places like this, it happens everywhere. A lot of members of the White Fang come from backgrounds like that."

"I know I must sound pretty negative, but I'm just being realistic. I think we can help the people living here, and not just from the Grimm. If given the right opportunity I bet a lot of these people could-," she stopped talking as she looked down to see an orange Tabby cat had latched onto her leg and started thrusting. "I never thought I'd say this, but right now I really hate cats."

* * *

Yang's interview

"So how much does a snowy Ursa weight?" Yang asked. "Enough to break the ice! Hahaha!" The crew members looked to one another in confusion.

"I saw Blake walking past with a cat that looked rather friendly, I guess she thought it was a cat-tastrophy." Yang made another pun.

"Oh, boy I tell ya, I really can't wait until I get to knock it to a few of those Grimm, I'll make sure to send them out with a Yang! Haha!" At this point the crew realized Yang was only using this to try and kick start her comedy career, and they began to pack up.

"Wait where are you going?" Yang asked. "Will you at least tell me when the _trailer_ is coming out? Huh? Get it? Because we're in a trailer park?"

* * *

"Can you believe that jackass Julian?" Ricky asked as the three friends reconvened back in Julian's trailer. Julian noticed that Neo had finished off every quart of ice cream he had in his fridge and was clutching her head as she sat down in the kitchen. Both of her eyes were white. "Whoa, she's having one of those freezer brain experances," Ricky observed.

Neo then put her thumb to the roof of her mouth and closed her eyes. When she opened them both her eyes had reverted back to their pink and brown color. "That's why I always had to tell you to pace yourself," Julian reminded the younger girl. "You'll get really messed up if you don't." Neo rolled her eyes.

She pointed at the three of them and then to the outside before shrugging her shoulders. "Oh, Mr. Lahey and Randy stopped by to warn Ricky and Julian," Bubbles told her understanding her question.

Neo grabbed an unopened liquor bottle and pretended to chug it. "Yeah," Ricky confirmed. "Lahey is fucked big time this time. His job gots him all stretched out that he's wasted all day."

"That's the point Ricky," Julian told his friend. "Whenever Lahey gets drunk he always tries to fuck up what we're doing. And this heist is important alright we can't have him messing this up."

"Chill out Julian," Ricky replied. "No big deal we're just robbing one shop."

"How much are you even taking anyways?" Bubbles asked the ice cream themed girl. Neo stretched her arms out to her sides as far as she could go, giving the appearance she was about to hug someone. "Holy balls! All of it?!" Neo nodded. "In the name of all the love I have for my kitties, why so much Dust?!" Neo made a lock and key gesture to her lips.

"A secret?" Julian asked. Neo nodded in confirmation.

"Dust is expensave boys," Ricky told them. "Supply and command after all. But we're gonna need a big fucking thing to haul all that Dust."

"Well we can't fit it in your car Ricky," Bubbles pointed out. "And I can only carry a cartfull in my go-cart."

A light bulb went off in Julian's head. "Boys I think I know where we can get a truck. You remember J-Roc Neo?"

The young woman flashed a wide smile and clapped her hands together. Julian knew that Neo was the number one fan to Sunnyvale's resident rap artist. J-Roc's music had given her the inspiration to join that female rock band, Puss, which gave Neo the out she needed to move on from the trailer park.

She grabbed a napkin and pencil off the table and began to write. When she was done she held up the napkin which read: _J-Roc #1!_

"Oh this is fuckin' perfect!" Ricky exclaimed. "He owes me a favor. C'mon boys were burning sunflowers."

* * *

The sound of a bass blasting became ever louder as Ricky drove the shitmobile to J-Roc's crib which he shared with his mom. It wasn't unusual at all for there to be music playing from his trailer he and his friend Tyrone, who insisted on being called T, were always out on the deck with a few turntables, some speakers, and a microphone or two.

Today was no exception. They spotted J-Roc's blonde hair and red bandana as T spun some records on a turntable. The beat blasted over the speakers as J-Roc began his rap.

" _This just in, three sucka MC's were knocked the fuck out by the microphone assassin._

 _Beats blastin' money flows from all the checks I've been cashin'. Bashin' ma's who ain't down with my shit. Can't even count how many hoes that I've been with._

 _My rhymes and a mike are like a corporate merger. They go together like Randy's gut and a cheeseburger._

 _The day that J-Roc loses his flow, is the day the hair on Jim Lahey bald head grows. And escro my rhymes are being kept, I've been kickin' it while all the mothafuckas suckin' it. I'm the microphone assassin._ "

J-Roc dropped the mike after he finished and received a standing ovation from Neo as the three guys filed out of Ricky's car. "Hey Ricky, Julian, Bubbles," J-Roc greeted. "Wha's goin' on mothafuckas?"

"Hey J-Roc," Julian greeted. "We have a favor to ask you."

"Not really a favor," Ricky chimed in. "More like you didn't pay me for the last batch of weed I sold you and now we want to borrow something of yours."

"Hey man, you can't have my turntables boy," J-Roc told Ricky. "I just might be getting the deal of the life time, know what I'm sayin'? I need that shit for when the album drops. Know what I'm sayin'?"

"We need something to drop a beat to when we start gangsta rapping to all the things we go through, we have to keep it real," T chimed in besides J-Roc. "And everything we do is just so gangsta, so we have to keep it gangsta."

"True man, true." J-Roc and T exchanged a signature high five.

"We're not here for your music equipment J-Roc," Julian put the rappers worries to rest. "We just need to borrow your truck tonight is all."

"Why you need my dank whip Jules?" J-Roc questioned. "You mothafuckas ain't using it for some greasy shit 'aight?"

"No we're just takin' one thing from one place and moving it to another place," Ricky said. "Simple fuckin' geometry."

"I'll be with them too J-Roc," Bubbles spoke up. "I'll make sure it doesn't get scratched up or nothing. And if does I'll have my friend Shitty Bill take a look at it."

"Shitty Bill? Isn't he that hobolo?" Ricky asked.

J-Roc handed Julian the keys. "Not one scratch dawg. It ain't even mine it's my mom's and she would go whack if anything happened to it. Know what I'm sayn'?"

"I hear you J-Roc," Julian confirmed. "Not one scratch I swear."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Trailer Park Boys is owned and property of ShowCase and Netflix, and RWBY is owned and property of Rooster Teeth. I own nothing.**

* * *

Uncle Qrow would have a field day if he went inside Mr. Lahey's trailer. At least that was the conclusion Ruby reached anyways. Bottles of booze in every shape and size lined every flat surface of the mobile home.

To add to the weirdness some of the bottles had names written on them like: Ray, J-Roc, Ricky, Bubbles, Julian. "Make yourselves at home girls," Lahey said grabbing an unmarked bottle. "Come take a load off."

Weiss looked around the booze filled trailer with contempt. "Excuse me," she said getting the attention of the supervisor. "I don't know how you usually run things around here, but we are here for an actual reason. And that is not to get wrapped up in any shenanigans!"

"Why don't we just tell them about the Grimm Mr. Lahey?" Randy backed Weiss' statement.

"Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy, _Rannnn_ dy," Lahey repeated. "You know as well as I do boy, that those that go bump in the night are small fry compared to those two shit-amigos, and their shit-antics."

"Is there a point to this spiel or not?" Yang asked crossing her arms.

Lahey took a large swig from a bottle. "That point is exactly the point that hasn't been made in changing winds of shit."

"What?" All of Team RWBY asked in pure confusion. Lahey was clearly drunk out of his mind.

"You know, I'm beginning to think the only reason you called us out here was because of those two ex-convicts," Blake inferred.

Lahey nodded. "You are ab-so-lutely right."

"Mr. Lahey!" Randy exclaimed. "You faked an emergency call?! We can get in a lot of trouble for that!"

"And I would do it again in a heartbeat bud," Lahey said with more of a slur than usual.

"So you're a liar?!" Ruby asked as she began to fill with disappointment. What they had thought to be their first real assignment was just a big ruse. She pointed at Lahey with her accusing finger. "Liar! Liar-liar drunken pants on fire!"

"This is so not cool!" Yang's eyes flashed red in anger at the fact they had been duped into coming to the trailer park.

"If you think those guys are up to something, just leave it to the police!" Weiss snapped. "We have classes to attend, and an actual future to look forward to instead of wasting our time here."

"Okay, okay," Lahey raised his hands. "I might have told a teeny tiny itty bitty wittle white lie. But believe me when I say: wherever those boys go, chaos is soon to follow. And not just any chaos. The shit will cling to the air and as the shit-barometer goes off, it will already be too late. The shit-blizzard will have arrived."

"Stop saying that other word for poop!" Ruby yelled with her hands over her ears.

"Believe me girls," Lahey pushed with his defense, "with Ricky the shit-bonfire, and Julian the sexy muscular mayor of shitty city, back in the park their being here will pull all those shit-monsters right towards Sunnyvale."

"A preemptive strike?" Blake asked. She saw his reason for doing so, but by no means did that mean she agreed with him lying to get them there.

Lahey slapped his hands together. "Right on the lien!"

"So instead of fighting Grimm like we were _supposed_ to do, you want us to help you catch these two guys in the act?" Weiss assessed sounding none too happy about it.

"Policeipoos won't help," Lahey slurred. "George Greene is the dumbest cop on the force. Me working with him goes about as good as shit and strawberry shortcakes."

"And now strawberry shortcakes are ruined for me," Ruby hung her head in disappointment. "Is this how Jaune feels about life sometimes?"

"Look girls," Lahey tried to walk to them but tripped over his feat and somehow managed to fall perfectly into a chair. "I know what I did was wrong, but you have to believe me when I say I did it for all the right reasons. Those boys will destroy this park if somebody doesn't do something about it."

"Well you can forget it!" Weiss snapped at the supervisor. "We came here to deal with a life or death situation only to have been lied to this entire time! Come on girls. Let's call the pilot and get back to Beacon, we still have to work on our essays for Professor Peach's class." Weiss made to exit the trailer when she noticed none of the other girls were following her. "We _are_ leaving, right?"

"Welllllll…" Ruby trailed.

"Oh no!" Weiss objected. "We are _not_ staying here! This trailer and the rest of this park smells like a tavern! There isn't even a real reason to be here!"

"They are asking for our help," Ruby pointed out. Weiss cursed her partners desire to help everyone. "And if catching those guys doing something dirty-,"

"Greasy," Randy interjected. "We call it greasy around here."

"Riiightttt. Well if catching them doing something…greasy can do some good, then why not help out?"

"We would be doing good," Blake agreed, much to Weiss' disdain.

"Yeah! And if they put up a fight we'll make Nora proud and break their legs!" Yang pounded her fists together.

"So what do you say Weiss?" Ruby asked. "Do you want to help the rest of us do good in Sunnyvale?"

"Or do you want to go back to Beacon alone and do boring schoolwork without your friends?" Yang asked.

The three girls and the two trailer park supervisors awaited her response. "…Fine," she reluctantly agreed.

"Alright! Teamwork!" Ruby jumped up and cheered.

"But only until the end of the day!" Weiss clarified. "Whatever happens after that, I will not be a part of."

"Alright! Reluctant Teamwork!" Ruby jumped and cheered again.

"So how are we going to catch them Mr. Lahey?" Randy asked.

"To catch a resident of the shitty city you have to think like a resident of shitty city," Lahey took a swig of his newest drink. "And Julian is a sexy muscular mayor."

"Should you be drinking when you're planning on catching two ex-cons?" Blake questioned Lahey's method.

"She's right Mr. Lahey," Randy backed Blake. "You promised you were going to cut down."

"The liquor makes me see things clearly," Lahey said much to the girl's disbelief. "And I will Randy. Once those two idiots are back in jail, I won't have a reason to drink anymore. We can save up Randy. Save up for that trip down to Vacuo."

Randy looked touched. "You promise me that Mr. Lahey?"

"Of course, Randy. But before we do that we have to get rid of those two morons and I know just how to do it. What's Julian's goal in life Randy?"

"To get rich quick so he won't have to work anymore," Randy answered.

"Exactly Randy. And Ricky's is?"

"To grow a bunch of weed and sell it."

"Right you are. And what do they need to do both of those things?"

Randy and the girls thought it over for a second. "Lien."

"Exactly bud, exactly. And how do they usually get their lien?"

"They steal it."

"And shit logic dictates that they will do it again," Lahey drunkenly reasoned. "We just have to figure out where."

"That's actually… surprisingly thought out," Blake had to admit, especially considering how drunk Lahey was.

"Totally," Yang agreed. "Is that you talking or the liquor?"

"Yang," Lahey said as he took an extraordinarily long swig from his bottle. All the while he kept eye contact with her, never blinking once as he drank. And as he swallowed he said with a firm tone a phrase that would make Uncle Qrow proud, "I _am_ the liquor."

* * *

"Oh boy," Ricky said as he watched Julian pull J-Roc's truck up to the trailer. "This is perfect! We'll be waltzing on sunlight with this baby." He took a look at the back which was spacious enough to hold a majority of the Dust they would be stealing. Whatever they couldn't fit in back of that truck would go in the trunk of his car, the shitmobile, which they would keep to sell off on their own. "Take a look at all this room Julian, this heist is going to peach and cake."

Neo gave her thumbs up of approval as well. "That's the plan Rick," Julian climbed out of the truck. "We get in, and get out."

"Fuck! I can't wait to drive this thing!" Rick expressed his desire to his friend. Julian however was not as enthused as his partner in crime.

"Ricky, hey listen man. I think it would be better if I drove the truck for this one." Julian told him.

"Why? My dad used to be a trucker, driving trucks is in my fuckin' DND and my fuckin' chromosopes Julian. "Ricky defended his argument. "What? You don't think I can do it? You don't think I have the responsibles to fuckin' do it do you?"

Julian raised a hand to stop Ricky before he could go on a rant. "It's not that Ricky. I gave J-Roc my work his truck wouldn't get banged up, alright. I would just feel better if I was the one driving it."

"I fuckin' knew it. You don't think I have the responsible to handle it."

"You do have responsibility Ricky," Bubbles backed up Julian. "You'll be driving your car, and that has our share of the Dust."

"See?" Julian asked. "We need you for that Ricky." Neo nodded as well. That seemed to cheer Ricky up.

"Alright," he agreed. "I'll drive my car. But if something gets all fucked because I wasn't driving the truck I'm saying atodaso (I told you so)."

"That's fine Ricky," Julian told him. "And lucky for us nothing will go wrong, so you don't have to worry about that. You ready to go Neo?" to answer Julian's question, the ice cream themed girl slid into the passenger's side of Ricky's car and honked the horn for them to hurry up.

"Yeah, yeah, hold the fuckin' horse I'm coming." Ricky started up his car. However as he stepped on the acceleration the car went backwards instead of forwards and ended up tapping the truck.

"Ricky!" Julian yelled.

"Sorry Julian," Ricky apologized rolling down the window of his car. "I think the gear shift might be fucked over with the carbinator or something." Neo face palmed.

"Well is the car also drunk Ricky?" Bubbles asked. "Because you are!"

Julian examined where Ricky had hit the truck. "You're lucky there's no dent Ricky."

Ricky didn't seem too concerned. "Hey, no harm no coal. Now let's go fuckin' rob a store or something. Maybe pick up some sweet and power chicken on the way back." Neo threw her arms in the air as Ricky got the car in the right gear and drove off.

"What do you need me to do Julian?" Bubbles asked his friend.

"Just hang tight here for now buddy," Julian told him as he climbed back into the truck and set his glass on the dashboard. "If Lahey or Randy come back here snooping around I need you to cover for us."

Bubbles bobbed his head. "Well sure thing Julian, but I'm not as good with the whole standing up to them thing like you and Ricky are."

"You don't have to be Bubs, we'll be back in no time so don't worry too much alright." With that being said Julian took off after Ricky and Neo into the nearby town.

* * *

"So then Corey and Trevor come up behind him and fuckin' pants the dude in front of the whole prison yard," Ricky told Neo of one of the times he and Julian had been sent to jail. The inmates and guards had set up a ball hockey tournament, and Ricky' two sidekicks Corey and Trevor had pants the lead guard after the inmates won the game. Neo put a hand over her mouth to mimic a giggling gesture.

"Oh yeah I forget to tell ya, I got my fuckin' grade ten!" Ricky proudly told her. "I passed with flying fuckin' carpets." Neo smiled and gave him two thumbs up. Despite being a grown man, Ricky had not even completed basic education only having a grade nine for a majority of the years he knew Neo. "So now if Bubbles ever gets that fuckin' Conky puppet of his again I can it to catch a nice big boat to fuckofffity land for ever making fun of my smarts."

Neo got a contemplative look on her face as she opened up the glove compartment and began to shift through it. She pulled out a cigarette that was broken in half and handed it to Ricky, who accepted it without question and lit it. "Fuck," he exhaled. "I forgot I gots them laced cigarettes in there. What else you find?"

Neo dug deeper in the glove compartment until she saw something that made her silently gasp. She covered her mouth with one hand as she reached in with the other to pull her discovery out. "What?" Ricky asked. "Is it those fuckin' hash brownies, because if they are then- oh fuck!"

Ricky saw what she had, and was now hugging to her chest as tears of joy formed in her eyes. It was the puppet she had made alongside Bubbles: Orange Buddy.

Much like Bubbles had made Conky in his spitting image, Neo had made hers to appear to be her, only with orange hair, orange eyes, and an all orange outfit. He had completely forgotten that fucking puppet was in there. He and Julian had thrown Conky into a swamp, and had hidden hers away after the puppets really started to annoy them.

Brushing some of the fake hair of the puppets face, Neo put it on her hand. Orange Buddy's mouth opened and closed as if to mimic her breathing air for the first time in years. " _Ahhhhhhh,_ " Orange Buddy sighed. " _Fresh air at last. The inside of that glove compartment smelled like expired weed and years of poor life choices._ "

Having Orange Buddy on her hand was the closest Neo ever came to actually talking. While Bubbles mouth still moved while he had Conky, Neo's always remained confirmed and no sign ever indicated she was actually making any sound. This of course led Ricky to believe the puppet really did have a mind of its own, only for Julian to tell him it didn't.

" _I've missed you soooooo much Neo!_ " Orange Buddy said in her overly sweet feminine voice. Neo nodded and hugged the puppet. " _Ah, hugs are nice. Especially when someone gets asphyxiated afterwards._ " Neo made a giggling gesture at her puppets remark.

Ricky shook his head as he tried to ignore the voice of the puppet he hated. In his peripheral vision he caught sight of Orange Buddy looking directly at him. "The fuck do you want? Don't fuckin' stare at me!"

" _It's just nice to see you after all this time is all,_ " Orange Buddy said in that sweet voice of hers. " _Ravine._ "

Ricky almost slammed on the brakes right then and there. "What the fuck did you just call me?" Neo had wide eyes as she looked between Ricky and Orange Buddy, who she slapped upside the head and gave her a silent shush.

" _No need to get all hostile and whatnot._ "

"You know I fuckin' hate being called Ravine!" Ricky snapped at the puppet. "Don't fuckin' call me Ravine!"

" _Whatever you say… Ravine._ "

Ricky began to breath heavily. "Hey Orange Buddy knock-knock."

Sensing a rant, Neo shook her head for Orange Buddy not to say- " _Who's there?_ "

"A fuckin' puppet whose really pissin' me off right now and is about to get thrown out of the car if she calls fuckin' calls me Ravine one more goddamn time because she doesn't know when to shut up; and by the way your hair cooler sucks so fuck off!"

" _Alright alright,_ " Orange Buddy conceded. " _I'll lay off._ " There was a pregnant pause. " _Ravine._ "

"Fuck!" Rick shouted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Trailer Park Boys is owned and property of Show Case And Netflix. And RWBY is owned and property of Rooster Teeth. I own nothing.**

 **A/N: Will contain intentional spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.**

* * *

"Here kitty-kitty-kitty," Bubbles cooed as he sat outside of his shed. His various cats from around the park entered/exited through the flap on the shed door. Out of paranoia he had constructed "food mountain" inside of his shed. Food mountain was essentially just a giant pile of cat food around three feet tall. He constructed it whenever the boys were up to a scam and if all three of them got arrested, then at least his kitties would have enough food until he got out.

"Evenin' Bubbles!" The voice of Lahey called as he stumbled up to his shed followed by Randy and the four girls. "Lovely day for a drink, huh?"

"What do you want Lahey?" Bubbles asked, trying to sound intimidating but not succeeding.

Randy looked in the windows of Julian's trailer to see if anyone was in there. "Where's Ricky and Julian?" The shirtless man asked.

"None of you business actually," Bubbles told him. "When are you expecting your baby Randy?" Randy looked down at his gut and pouted. The one girl with the blonde hair was trying to hold back her laughter.

"Yang," Blake chided.

"Sorry," Yang apologized. "But a burn is a burn."

"What do you want with them any way's?" Bubbles questioned. "Try to throw them in jail like you did when you thought you were a cop again?"

"You used to be a cop?" Ruby asked, her interest peaked.

"Used to be," Lahey said with drunken remorse. "But booze and the force don't mix as well as whisky on the rocky rocks."

"Surprise surprise," Weiss mumbled crossing her arms.

"You're not actually refusing to comply with the Sunny*urp*parking park authority, are you Bubbles?" Lahey drunkenly asked.

"Maybe I am maybe I'm not," Bubbles tried not to sound scared. "What's it to you? Uh, Lahey you, uh, drunk bastard."

One of Bubbles' kitties went up to Blake and gripped onto her leg. Blake looked down with contempt. "You again?" the kitty meowed. Lahey removed the feline off of her leg.

"Well you can tell your little delinquent friends when you see them, that these cats are being detained," Lahey told the bi-speckled man. Bubbles's eyes widened in horror.

"You can't do that!" He protested. "This shed and my kitties are all I have Mr. Lahey!"

"And this job is the only thing I have left Bubbles," Lahey countered.

"You have Randy," Ruby told the older man.

"Yeah, thanks Ruby," Randy said. "You have me Mr. Lahey."

"I love ya' Randy, but I hate Ricky more. So Bubbles next time you see your shitty friends let them know what happens when you mess with the authority." Lahey advised.

Bubbles shook with frustration as he shook his head. " _Crazy drunk bastard,_ " Bubbles muttered under his breath. Unfortunately for him Lahey had heard what he said, and fixed him with a hard drunken glare.

"What'd you say Bubbles?" Bubbles' eyes darted around nervously as he tried to avoid eye-contact with Lahey.

He shook his head. "I didn't say anything." It was clear no one believed that. Lahey just nodded, his gaze never straying from Bubbles.

"I hope they don't shit on ya' Bubbles."

Bubbles became more terrified. "Who?" Both Bubbles and Ruby asked. One out of fear, and the other out of curiosity.

"The Shit-Hawks. Big, nasty Shit-Hawks. They fly down reeeeeaaaalllll low just looking for people to shit on." Lahey moved his arms around in the air for dramatic effect. "Best pray they don't come for you." To follow that up, Lahey pulled a small glass flask from his belt and began to chug as he slowly walked away from Bubbles. Never once did he break eye-contact.

"T-that's not humanly possible. Right?" Weiss asked watching Lahey continue to take one long uninterrupted sip.

"I don't know," Yang admitted as she pulled out her scroll and started to record. "But I do know it's going to go viral."

As he finished off the glass flask, he tossed it to the ground where it shattered. "Come on gang," Lahey instructed. "We got the important, thing to do that's the important park thing." The ensemble of people gathered outside of his shed left, leaving a very nervous Bubbles.

"Oh. My. Fuck." Bubbles spoke lightly after witnessing Lahey chug nonstop. His precious kitties were in danger! He had to tell Ricky and Julian! He rushed around to the back of his shed and got his only means of transportation: his go-cart. He strapped on his safety helmet and fired his cart up.

"Hook line and sinkerrrrr," Lahey observed Bubbles taking off on his cart.

"Why did we have to hide in garbage cans?" Weiss asked as she popped her head out of her hiding spot. A banana peel was on her shoulder, which she tossed to the ground with a disgusted look on her face.

Ruby popped up in a can next to hers. "I don't know, but it kinda makes us like secret agents don't you think?"

Randy tried to climb out of his garbage can, but had to have Yang help pull him out. "Now we just have to follow him and he'll lead us straight to the boys."

"That was a surprisingly well thought out trap," Blake had to admit.

Lahey shrugged as he tried to climb out of his garbage can. "Never underestimate the power of the sauce." He fell over before he could get his other leg out of the can. "Look what you made me do Randy!"

Randy was quick to defend himself. "I didn't do anything Mr. Lahey."

"Sure you did bud. Standing there all sexy like. All Julian sexy like."

"Save the sexy talk for later," Yang interrupted before things could get weird. Well, weirder. "We have to follow that go-cart!"

"Great idea," Lahey said. "Get the cruiser Randy."

"Oh no! Neither of you is driving!" Weiss told the two men. "You're drunk out of your mind, and you don't even wear a shirt for crying out loud! One of us will drive."

"Sweet!" Yang fist pumped. "I got dibs!"

"Shotgun!" Ruby called.

Lahey handed Yang the keys to the supervisor cruiser, and the six of them somehow managed to squeeze into the one car and took off after Bubbles making sure to keep a distance behind him so he would not notice their presence. None of them noticed the sinister pair of red eyes that watched their car from the woods as they exited the park.

* * *

Julian took one more sip of his drink before he spotted where Ricky had parked his own car. He had it right in front of the Dust shop with the trunk facing the doors so it would be easier to load everything up. Lucky for them the shop was closed right now so robbing it would be much easier. Ricky was out of the car along with Neo who was holding Orange Buddy in front of her face.

If she had found that damn puppet that was trouble enough, but as it stood Ricky had his handgun drawn and pointed directly at the puppets face. Which Neo was behind. "What the fuck are you doing Ricky?!" Julian demanded as he parked the truck next to Ricky's car and approached the scene.

" _Yeah, why don't you tell the muscular man with that grade ten of yours what's going on?_ " Orange Buddy taunted Ricky.

"I gotta kill this Fuckin' puppet Julian," said a clearly aggravated Ricky. "'Cus it is pissing me the fuck off! That's what's fuckin' going on!"

"Ricky, listen to me," Julian urged his friend. "You are pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet."

"Yes I am." Ricky said. His gun still trained on the puppets head.

"If you pull that trigger the bullet is going to go right through and hit our friend," Julian reasoned further. "Just-," he reached for Ricky's gun with his non-drink hand and turned the safety on. "Give me the gun." Slowly he pried the firearm from Ricky's grasp. Neo wiped invisible sweat from off of her brow.

" _Nice negotiation skills there,_ " Orange Buddy said to Julian. " _Patrick Swa-_ ," before the puppet could finish calling Julian the name he hated most, he yanked it off of Neo's hand and threw it as far as he could.

Neo traced an invisible tear falling down her cheek and narrowed her eyes at Julian. "Sorry Neo," Julian told her. "I had to do it that puppet was making you crazy." She pouted and flipped him off.

"Let's just focus on the heist for now alright?" Julian tried to get them back on track. "We do this we get big money, and we can retire early."

Ricky took his gun back from Julian. "Sure, fine. Let's grab the shit and get out." A grinding metal noise was heard. Julian turned to Ricky.

"You remembered to set the parking brake, right?"

"Agh, fuck!"

 _ **CRASSSHH!**_

The shitmobile had rolled straight back and crashed through the front of the Dust shop and rolled all the way to the back where it shattered where the Dust was on display. "Fuck!" Ricky cursed again as he went inside the shop. "This wouldn't have fuckin' happened if I had drived the fuckin' truck. I hate to say atodaso, but atodaso! I fuckin' atodaso!"

"Fuck!" Julian cursed. He looked down to see Neo tugging on his shirt sleeve. She pointed to the truck and then to the scattered Dust in the shop. "You still want to go through with this?!" Neo nodded frantically.

"You fuckin' serious?!" Ricky yelled as he kicked the side of his car. "Fuckin' shit car! Fuckin' rolling backwards because of a fucked parking brake, and… fuck!"

"No time to worry Ricky!" Julian told him. "We have to load this up now before any cops show up. We probably triggered some kind of silent alarm." Ricky popped the trunk of his car and began to load up their share of the Dust, while Julian backed the truck in, and he and Neo began filling that up with her share.

"How much more do you need?" Julian asked Neo after they emptied an entire tube into the wide open back of the truck. Neo pointed at one last tube of red Dust. "Fine." Julian and her hefted the glass container and put it down along with the rest in the back of the truck. "You all set now?" Neo gave a confident nod. "Good. Now you take this and head to wherever you need, me and Rick will take his car back to the park."

Neo smiled at the plan and climbed up inside the truck. She waved goodbye to both of the guys and drove off with her stolen Dust. As she drove she pulled out her scroll and the face of Roman Torchwick appeared on her screen.

"Ah, Neo what a lovely surprise to be getting a call from you," the criminal spoke. "You got the Dust?" Neo put the scroll where it was in a position so he could see the back of the truck. "Now that, is what I like to see! Good job Neo. What do you say to a frozen treat when you get back?" He got his answer in the form of a wide smile.

She ended her call with Torchwick and continued driving. It really was quiet now. Looking around for any CD's she opened a glove compartment and saw a CD cover. Pulling it out she read the title. J-Roc Greatest Hits: Know what I'm Sayin'?

She opened her mouth and looked like she was screaming like a little fan girl. Without hesitation she put the CD in and turned the stereo on full blast. More people should really know about this music.

* * *

Julian climbed into the passenger's side of Ricky's car. "Drive!" Ricky slammed on the gas and the car sped out of the hole it had created in the front of the store.

"Holy fuck!" Ricky exclaimed as they drove back to the park. "We did it Julian! We fuckin' did it! We are living on a cloud!"

"Yeah we did it man!" Julian shared in his enthusiasm. "We pulled it off. We got our share, Neo got hers, now we just have to sell this and live quietly from now on."

"Fuck that," Ricky dismissed the idea. "We use this money to grow a bunch of dope clones and make an even bigger money selling that. Supply and command."

Julian sighed as he took another sip of his mixed drink. "Ricky that's not- is that Bubbles?" Sure enough speeding down the road towards them was Bubbles on his go-cart. Ricky pulled over and stopped his car, allowing for Bubbles to pull up next to them.

"Bubbles what are you doing here?" Ricky asked. "We need you back at the park to cover us from Lahey."

Bubbles nervously shook his head. "Lahey is why I'm coming to you!" Bubbles rasped. "He's threatening to take my kitties away from me!"

"What?!" Ricky angrily asked. "Is he fucked in the head or something?!"

Bubbles rapidly nodded. "Oh he is fucked alright! He's on a massive bender boys, I've never seen him this fucking crazy before!"

"Don't worry Bubs," Julian told him. "We got a lot of money coming in, we'll help you out with your cat situation."

"Speak of the fuckin' devile," Ricky said noticing another car driving towards them. A flashing yellow light on the dashboard indicated that it belonged to the two idiot supervisors. "Ah, for fucks sake!"

The doors to the other car opened and the six occupants climbed out. Weiss fell to her knees and actually kissed the ground. "Hey!" Yang sounded offended. "My driving isn't that bad!"

"Not that!" Weiss told her. "I was squished in back by Gutzilla."

Randy looked crestfallen. "That hurts my feeling you know."

Lahey tripped over his own legs as he climbed out, but quickly regained his footing. "Alllright boys," he said putting an arm on the car to keep himself upright. "The road ends here."

"Yeah! The jig that was jigged is no up, and no longer jigged!" Ruby declared. Everyone looked at her in confusion. "Uh, the jig is up; is what I meant to say."

"What are you going on about Lahey?" Ricky asked annoyed that they were at the verge of being caught. "We're just driving. So why don't you take your drunken ass home and sleep until you have the worst fuckin' hangover in the history of hangovers?"

"And I will Ricky, right after you boys do your time back in jail."

"Fuck off Lahey!" Ricky snapped. "We're are not going back to jail!"

"Grammar," Weiss said to no one in particular.

Before Lahey could offer up another drunken retort, an ear shattering, " _ **RROOOOAAAARRRRRR!**_ " Echoed across the road. Loud footsteps were heard, and emerging from the tree line off to the side of the road came a Grimm.

It was around ten feet tall and covered in shaggy black hair. It's arms and legs were extremely long and the feet were massive. Three feet long at most. A bony mask covered its face, but the red eyes were as menacing as any other species of Grimm. It roared again as it beat its chest wit its ham like fists.

"Ho-ly fuck!" Bubbles exclaimed at the sight of the beast. "Boys! It's a Samsquamptch!"

"Samsquamptch!" Team RWBY exclaimed.

"Samsquamptch!" Yelled Randy and Mr. Lahey.

"Saspauch!" Ricky pronounced.

"Holy fuck it does exist," Julian said almost dropping his glass. Almost.

The mighty Grimm roared once more and dug its large fingers into the ground and pulled out a big ball of earth. "Fucking get us out of here man!" Julian ordered Ricky, who started the car and tried to flee the scene.

The Grimm threw its projectile straight at the Shitmobile hitting it dead on right on the back fender. The car spurted out a few puffs of smoke before dying out. "Fuck!" Ricky cursed. "The cars fucked Julian!"

Samsquamptch dug out another ball of earth and was prepared to flatten the car once and for all. A shot was fired and struck the beast on the side of the head. Turning to look at its new foe, it saw Ruby with her weapon out and ready to go.

" _ **ROOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR!**_ " The Samsquamptch roared defiantly. It cocked a fist and swung downwards at the young huntress in training.

Yang shot forward and met the fist straight on with a punch of her own. The shockwave sent both flying backwards, as well as creating a noticeable crater in the road. The Samsquamptch was the first to recover. Banging on its chest it grabbed a hold of a tree and uprooted it from the ground. Raising the tree above its head life a prize, the Grimm swung. Team RWBY dodged the swing, but Mr. Lahey and Randy's car was flattened.

"Mr. Lahey the car!" Randy yelled. For a moment Lahey seemed to sober up.

"Randy," he began. "I am going to… let you teach that thing a lesson in what happens when you mess with Sunnyvale property."

"Are you sure Mr. Lahey?"

Lahey nodded. "It's time you throw down Randers."

Meanwhile Weiss and Blake were tag teaming the Samsquamptch by hacking and slashing at its legs. Whenever it would swing at Blake it would strike a shadow clone. And whenever it swung at Weiss, the Schnee heiress would just create a glyph to absorb the blow. It was infuriating the Grimm to no limit.

 _Blam! Blam! Blam!_

Ricky, Julian, and even Bubbles had all drown their basic handguns and started firing their own shots at the Grimm. "Fuck you greasy hillybilly!" Ricky randomly yelled as he fired.

Eventually Blake was able to get a lucky strike in and severed one of the tendons in its ankle. A roar of pain echoed out into the air as the Samsquamptch was forced down onto one knee. Assuming it would be an easy target, Ruby lined up the shot. "Bye-bye dude." She pulled the trigger.

"Agh! Fuck!" Ricky yelled as he hopped around on one foot. "I'm fucking shot!"

Ruby looked at Crescent Rose and then back at Ricky. "Oops." What was wrong with this thing today?

Randy took a stand next to her. "Hold my walkie." He told her as he unclipped the device from his belt.

"Um, okay." She thought that was a bizarre request, and then she saw why. "Eep! What are you doing?!"

Randy pulled his pants down until he was standing there in his underwear. "What?" He looked at her wide-eyed expression. "I don't want to rip my pants they were a gift."

"That's very thoughtful of you Randy," Lahey said as he now laid flat on his back staring up at the sky. "You get up in the morning and you make me my coffee. I love you Bobandy~."

Randy casually approached the kneeling Grimm, who narrowed its eyes at the near naked Randy. It bent its face down to intimidate the newcomer. " _ **ROOOAAARR-**_ " Randy cut the Samsquamptch off with a right hook to it' jaw, which shocked the Grimm as well as everyone else considering he had no weapon.

The cheeseburger lover grabbed a hold of the bony mask and used that as his grip as he clung onto its face and delivered a series of punches to its face. Not wanting to let Randy have all the fun, the three trailer park friends all fired their guns at the Grimm's eye. Blake and Weiss cut the other tendon in the ankle and the Grimm now laid down flat.

Ruby saw the Samsquamptch trying to use one of its arms to push itself up, but with use of her semblance she darted forward and a clean cut from her pride and joy took the hand clean off.

"YEEEAHHHHH!" Yang charged back into battle, and had uprooted a tree similar to what the Samsquamptch had done. "Batter up!" Yang yelled as she swung her makeshift weapon straight at the Grimm's head.

Red eyes widened in surprise before the tree struck true. And just like that the mighty Samsquamptch dissolved into a smoky black cloud, blowing away with a passing wind. They had done it.

"That was totally wicked!" Emerging from their hiding spot was the camera crew. They cameraman and boom mike guy exchanged a high five with each other. "Dude we are _so_ winning the film festival this year!"

* * *

About half an hour later was when the cops showed up to take statements from everyone on what had happened. Team RWBY was personally thanked by the chief of police, and as for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles… they were under arrest.

The blow the Samsquamptch had dealt to the shitmobile had popped the trunk and the stolen Dust was on full display for everyone to see. "We weren't stealing it," Ricky told the cops. "You know we were just having a drive around town, say someone had broked in, and decided to keep it safe so no one else would steal it. Simple fuckin' math."

Nobody believed that statement.

"Fare ye well boys!" Lahey waved goodbye to the cop car that left with the three friends. "I never heard of a couple of idiots who slid down the shit-rope they ended up in jail again after a few hours." That was when handcuffs were placed on Lahey as well. "W-what?"

"Jim Lahey, you are under arrest for faking an emergency call," Officer George Greene informed the supervisor.

"What are you talking about Georgie boy?" Lahey asked. "Ricky and Julian were robbing a store, and a big shitty Grimmypoo did a wrap around just now."

"Jim, in your call you said there were multiple Grimm. There was only one."

Lahey turned to Team RWBY. "Help a poor fella out here ladies. You know I just wanted to keep the parking park safe from the julickyles."

"The what?" Weiss asked.

"The julickyles," Lahey slurred, so drunk now that coherent speech was lost to him.

"Yeahhhh," Yang said. "I think this might be a good chance for you to sober up." Lahey was placed in the back of the car, and soon that too was headed off to the jail. Randy waved goodbye to it.

"I'll keep the park going until you get back!" He shouted. "And then we can go on vacation!"

* * *

One week later: Beacon

"Ugh!" Yang groaned. "Oobleck is the worst!"

"I'd rather have a coffee addict for a teacher as opposed to a drunk one," Blake voiced her opinion.

"Hey! Uncle Qrow was a great teacher!" Ruby said in defense of her drunk uncle.

"But still, no one is as good as Professor Peach," Weiss joined in the conversation as well.

"Hey guys!" Jaune waved to them as they entered the student lounge. "What's up?"

"Oh, just talking about Oobleck's lecture," Yang plopped herself down on a sofa next to the rest of Team JNPR.

"You're free to borrow my notes of you think that will help," Pyrrha politely offered.

"Yah," Yang declined. "I figure I'll just wing it on the next test." She noticed Nora with her headphones on as she seemed to be humming along to a beat. "What's Nora listening to?"

"You guys haven't heard?" Jaune looked at her like she was kidding.

"He's all over the news," Ren added.

"Who?" Blake asked.

To answer her question, Jaune grabbed a remote and turned on one of the T.V's. "Hello, I'm Lisa Lavender, and for today's top story we get the inside scoop of how a completely unknown MC went from playing cheep concerts in Sunnyvale Trailer Park, to being at the top of the rap game." All of RWBY's jaws dropped at the mention of the trailer park.

"We go now to our field reporter Alleah Jasmine," Lisa said.

"Thank you Lisa," another woman said. "Today I sit down with Vale's one and only, J-Roc. "

The image panned out to show a pale blonde haired man with a red bandanna tied around his head as well as having his hat turned sideways. "'Sup."

"J-Roc what can you tell us about your sudden rise in popularity?"

"First up, there are two things mothafuckas gotta know about J to the ROC. First up, I spin more rhymes than a Lazy Susan, and I'm innocent until my guilt is proven. Peace. Representing Sunnyvale straight the fuck up."

"But for real dawg, let's get something straight. Straighter than them long get-away-sticks." J-Roc pointed to her legs. "All I know for sure's is my number one fan sent my CD to a big time record company, now I'm sitting on top of the world."

"Do you have any idea who this mystery fan could be?"

"Yeah girl, J-Roc only has one fan crazy enough to do something like that. And she tight with people in the park, know what I'm sayin'? But I'm really not at legal liberites to say who."

"J-Roc do you have any other songs coming out soon?"

"You know I do," J-Roc pulled out a cover for his newest album with the pictures of Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles behind bars. "It's called: Get my Homies out of Jail.' And I ain't even trying to exploit them mothafuckas, they really are in jail." J-Roc fist bumped the album. "Guys, when you out, we gonna taste the champagne."

With their jaws still wide open, the image changed to that of J-Roc up on stage performing a song in front of a crowd of people.

" _Put your hands up let's go! Put your hands up, oh!_

 _U can't not be feelin dis. J-Roc's got the quickness_

 _Say u can't not be feelin dis, like a shorty with the thickness_

 _U can't not be feeling did. We been over dis and over dis._

 _Hey! Can I get one of you to testify just who the best MC is._

 _Want a hint? You might want to consider this, I laid out all your ladies and I'm still harder than calculus._

 _I tell you this while I flow like a floatie, shorties in the club brushin up like they know me_

 _They don't be they just wish, they got R.O.C on their birthday list._

 _It's pure bliss being this MC, so go ahead boy go suck your teeth, if you excuse me, ladies this way please."_

"Yang," Ruby said.

"Yeah."

"Is this weird?"

"About as weird as a guy not wearing a shirt."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading this story. If you haven't heard of Trailer Park Boys before this, go look up some clips online. and if you liked the J-Roc rap you can find the whole version on Youtube somewhere. Thank you again for reading, and as a bonus I have included a bonus scene after this A/N.  
**

* * *

Jail

It had been roughly a week since Julian and his two friends had been, once again, sent to jail. this time they hadn't even had an entire day to enjoy their freedom. "So what do you want to do when you get out?" He asked Ricky, his current cell mate.

"Uh, I don't know Julian," Ricky said. "Maybe try for my fuckin' grade eleven, see how that goes. I mean if you got your grade eleven you can basically do whatever the fuck you want. I might become a politican or something, try to ease up on all those fucked weed laws. what about you Bubbles?" Their other cell mate looked between the two guys.

"Well I was thinking of talking to the warden about a new program here called care for a cat. Any stray cat can get sent right here and an inmate will take care of it. What about you Julian?"

"I'm thinking about writing a book. Like about my life you know, help guide people into making smart business choices in life."

A guard knocked on their cell door. "Good news boys, your bail's been paid."

"You mean we get to leave?" Ricky asked. "Thank fuck!"

"Who bailed us out?" Bubbles asked.

"Anonymous."

"Ann Omous?" Ricky said thinking that was the name. "Who the fuck is that?"

The guard handed Julian a note, "This came along with it." It was a plane white envelope, with a brown sticker, and pink lining on the inside.

Ricky shook his head. "Well looks like we'll never know." Julian shook his head. Ricky really was an idiot.


End file.
